June 15, 2012

We are winding up our time here in Palawan, just six weeks left as I write this. I alternate between being excited and sad and the closer it gets, the more I realize how difficult it will be to leave the Palawanos. They have welcomed us into their lives with open arms. Quite often someone will ask, "When are you leaving?" and since their sense of time is vague, I've been answering, "Not for a long time." For most people here, one or two weeks is a long time. They view life as cyclical. There is planting season, harvest season, and rainy season. Unfortunately the incoming and outgoing of student missionaries is cyclical too. With five of us leaving on the same day, I'm sure word will get out as to when we are leaving. You might wonder why we don't want to tell them. I think I've mentioned before that when someone leaves it is like a funeral to them. One of my Palawano friends asked me, "Do you have a house and job in America?" I said no and she said, "Why would you leave? You already have a house and job here." Hmm. It made me think. But we have earnestly prayed and feel like our next step is to pay back Chris' student loans. After that, who knows where God will send us. It is tempting to feel anxious and scared about the future, but we know God has a plan for us. We don't know where we will live or what kind of jobs we'll have, but God has provided for us in the past and we trust He will provide for us in the future as well. A song we have come to love is "Day by Day." The first verse reads:

Day by day and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here.
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best.
Lovingly, it's part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Propane

Before we arrived here and didn't know what to expect, living in the jungle sounded so primitive. Living in a bamboo hut, having to carry supplies in, fearing the hot climate, not knowing how we would cook, all these things were unknown. Then we got here and realized that living in a bamboo hut isn't much different from a house back home except we have the added benefit of slats in the floor. When something spills you can just nudge it and it falls to the ground where chickens are eager to gobble it up. We realized that there is plenty of food here and that we wouldn't shrivel away to nothing. The hot climate we feared turned out to be very pleasant and now we are fearing the cold winter back home. Cooking turned out to be easy because we have a propane stove. And we have gotten comfortable with it. We have to replace our propane tank about every three months. Six other houses here use propane and it is very unpopular to carry the tanks into the mountains. You can imagine a 50-pound metal tank would not be much fun to carry. All of this means that propane is not usually immediately available when we run out. When we don't have propane, we cook in a little cement fire ring called a "pugen." We fill it with charcoal and start it on fire with a sap called "selang." It's kind of fun to cook on when we want to be adventurous, but it is slow. One hour of cooking turns into three hours of cooking. The first time we had to cook on the pugen was challenging. We wouldn't plan ahead and would find ourselves hungry for lunch with the only option to wait for the food to cook. We learned to plan better, God gave us patience and endurance, and we didn't go hungry. After we got more propane we thought, "Phew, we're glad that's over. And just look how God grew us through that trial." Well, turns out that God still wanted to grow us more. We ran out of propane last week and for a few days it was fine. Chris is quite good at cooking on the pugen, but after a while my patience was wearing thin. On Friday a lot of men were going to carry supplies in and we asked many of them to carry the propane for us, so I was certain that we would have it by the evening. When it didn't come, I was frustrated to the point of tears. It wasn't that I couldn't cook on the pugen, I just plain didn't want to. Earlier Chris had prayed, "God, if you want us to have propane, work it out so someone will carry it." I didn't agree. I just wanted propane. After struggling with this for a while, I asked God for more patience and asked Him to take away my frustration. I had to repeat this prayer many times, but God answered me. I decided to not even think about when the propane might come. A few days later I was studying in James and read, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) So I rejoiced for this trial I was going through. Funny enough, someone carried the propane in that evening. God continues to provide for us and grow our faith in Him. What a loving God that He is willing to use us and be patient when we don't trust Him.